Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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