he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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