i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
