thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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