Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
