MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
