I got her a Nickelback box set.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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