one two three fourrrrnication!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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