Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
