Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize