Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize