i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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