You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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