Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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