You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was CRYING into my vagina
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
