i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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