the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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