What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
