dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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