Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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