We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize