I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
