So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
