WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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