I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We named our party play list daddy issues
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
