you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
