I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
