3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
