my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
