I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
