Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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