Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
