We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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