One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
