It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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