Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
