Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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