grandma shit on top of the toilet
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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