This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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