I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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