So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
