mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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