Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
