party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
