don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
