I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
