well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
