I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
