My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
