I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize