I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
