this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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