Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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