and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
