My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
