Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
