All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
and you fell through a lawn chair
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
