We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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