Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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