I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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