this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
