I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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