pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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