There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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