I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
