I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
