On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
