I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
