I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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