I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
