I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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