At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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